This is a great read

Demon slayer

I’m at the old gypsy-woman’s hut in Varrock getting my fortune read, a tradition before my weekly pedicure. We sit inside her darkened hut, and she looks into her glass ball. “I can see you,” she says, “you are holding a very impressive looking sword. I’m sure I recognize that sword.” Will this be the second time she'll have caught me masturbating in the future? “There is a big dark shadow appearing now” - well that sounds strange - then, “AARGH…” The Gypsy lets out a piercing shriek that curls my beard. Her eyes roll back in her head, and she gets all slack-jawed. “DELRITH IS COMING,” she cries in a voice not her own. “THE DARK MAGE LABORS THAT THE WILL OF WALLY BE UNDONE.” Her mouth begins to froth. “HE WHO BEARS THE CLEANING POWER OF OXYGEN SHALL BRING FORTH THE LIGHT OF SILVER AND CAST DELRITH BACK INTO HELL.” Then suddenly, she sits upright in her chair, rubs her eyes and wipes the foam from her lips. “I’m sorry young one, where were we?”

Fuck my pedicure. I’ve got a demon to slay.

Research takes me to Sir Prysin, the worst knight in rscrevolution. Dude, this guy’s outfit is slacks, a shirt and an iron helmet. He talks a big game about being a swashbuckling adventurer, but when I tell him I need the ‘light of silver’ to kill Delrith, he pusses out immediately so that I can have all the glory. There’s something of a minor snafu with getting ahold of silverlight, the sword I need to kill Delrith, but nothing to write home about. (But in summary: Sir Prysin is an idiot, Wizard Traiborn is an idiot; Captain Rovin is not an idiot).
_{Sir Prysin models his impenetrable armor set.}

I roll up on Delrith’s spot, only to discover he’s about as weak as the Darkwizards chanting around him. Seriously, “lesser demon” doesn’t even begin to describe it. I briefly consider allowing him to grow to his legendary strength, so that it’s a real fight. But who’s got the time?

I strike Delrith down in two hits from silverlight, and chant the incantation: “klaatu barada nikto”. A vortex opens up as Delrith is sucked back into the dark dimension from whence he came.

Final score: Good use of Varrock, silly dialogue options we've come to know and expect from rscrevolution, fun low-lvl boss fight. One of the most classic and memorable f2p quests.

3/5 demon’s ashes

Hi, BILLY MAYS here with

Alfred Grimhand Bar Crawl

The beer-chugging, death-metal blasting swedish biker gang at the Barbarian Outpost won’t let me train at their totally badass obstacle course unless I prove I’m one of them. There’s no way I’m going back to weenie hut jr.’s aka gnome agility course, so I lie through the teeth about being part of their Asgarnia charter. They demand I prove my membership by surviving a bar crawl through every pub in rscrevolution (excluding weenie hut jr. bar aka gnome tree).

Remember, this was a game for children.

The only rule: when my character drinks, I drink IRL.

Pub #1: Dead Man’s Chest - Brimhaven, Karamja Island

I walk from Barbarian club headquarters to Port Ardougne and toss Captain Barnaby 30 coins. Barnaby takes me to downtown Karamja, which is a pretty sketchy district. Dead Man’s Chest is a pirate bar, and before I get a drink some guy starts talking some bullshit about “you think you’re better than me, two-eyes?” The situation is quickly de-escalated when I mention the Barbarians’ challenge, and everyone laughs and the bartender reaches behind the bar and serves me a glass of strange thick dark liquid. I wince and drink it, staggering backwards. My vision doubles. I immediately re-escalate the situation and fight all the drunken pirates.

Supergrog = Bourbon, bulleit, one hearty glass
(scotch would have been much better. at least I finished my bourbon.)

Pub #2: Jolly Boar Inn - Varrock Lumberyard, Misthalin
I tele Varrock and mosey on up to the Jolly Boar Inn. I ignore Dr. Harlow’s slurred speech and head straight over to the bar. I produce my barcrawl card.

Olde suspiciouse = Red wine, apothic red, one hearty glass
(Starting to feel drunk.)

Pub #3: Blue Moon Inn - Downtown Varrock, Misthalin
I tele back to Varrock square and head south to the Blue Moon Inn. Inside one man-bunned “Johnny the Beard” points to his beard and gives me a thumbs up. This bar has sort of a hipster vibe.

The mixologist at the counter says the last Barbarian bikers that came through here made a huge mess, and charges me 50gp for Uncle Humphrey’s gutrot. I chug it down and feel more drunk, but somehow invigorated (the gutrot boosts strength). I leave quickly before I can start another fight.

Uncle Humphrey’s Gutrot - Vodka, smirnoff, 2oz
(no chaser, you gotta FEEL the gutrot. oww. (bacardi 151 would be better, and ideally, everclear.)

I am now technically drunk.

_{looks like white wine but is actually hard liquor}

Pub #4: The Rising Sun - Falador, Asgarnia
No one in here but a hot young barmaid and a White Knight drinking beer through the slits in his helmet. I’m talking some good game with the waitress and then she plays the “oh my boyfriend said something similar” card. I play the only card I have, the barcrawl one. “Hehe this’ll be fun,” she says, reaching behind the counter. Can’t tell if she’s flirting or not. Maybe she’s in an open relationship, it’s the new thing. Before I figure out a polite way to ask she throws a cocktail in my hands and charges me 70gp for it (before tip! this is why I don’t go to bars especially if I already have the ingredients at home).

I stumble around all while the barmaid giggles at my predicament. I am too drunk to flirt politely. After a few unfortunate attempts at picking up on her the White Knight comes to her rescue and escorts me out.

Hand of Death Cocktail - Fireball and Apple Cider
(classic winter/autumnal mixed drink. this stuff is sitting okay…. for now.)

Pub #5: The Rusty Anchor - Port Sarim, Asgarnia

The walk from Falador to Port Sarim seems much longer than usual. The sun feels much brighter. Does it ever fucking set? I need sunglasses.
i kill the highwayman on the way out of spite for the times he did me wrong
so much alcohol, i think i should have made the first round less buorbon

nothing funny to say about this bar its in a video game called runescapee

i really intended the black skull ale to be a porter, but I dont have any porter in the house. so ideally black skull ale = anchor brewing co. porter

but i have an IPA and an alcoholic ginger beer that are good. since IPA is the opposite of black i’ll go with the ginger ale which i havent tried yet (small town brewery, “not your fathers gingerale”0

wow this is really good, tastes perfectly spicy and piratey and fits well with the sailor’s theme of the bar. maybe my favorite thing so far

mmm i could drink a sixpack of these like candy, only 6% alc

Pub 36$; Forestsrs Arms. Seers’ Village> Kandarinn

ok dammy tele takes me straight there. hello sir im getting drunk with my rscrevolution character that’ll be 18 coins :):)

good thing u cant drive in this game

this bar has a little fireplace v. toasty on a rainy evening such as this

LIVERBANE ALE = LAGUNITAS IPA AND A TEQUILA SHOT FUCK IT!

liverbane was originally ognna be just teiqila but then the bartender called it an ale whtu theres bo way i culd have prepared fr, so combine beer and tequila than

ok.. i did it now just gotta wyak ibacj ti barbarians voutpost wiht the swedish biker gang listens to opeth
h

:0;0;0;0:):):):))))
funanl sctore;

5/5 easily the vest qyest uve done so far, would do agian!!
:):)

Barcrawl is best yet. I also drink irl when drinking in game. +1 +1 +1 +1 +1

Hahahahahaha this thread is dope and it actually helped me. It actually speaks some mind of my own for me! Kudos bra

Thanks for the feedback guys!

Knight’s Sword

Another “I’m an incompetent NPC, do my job for me” quest. Sir Vyvin’s Squire has lost his boss’s favorite sword, which he mainly uses to butcher innocent peasants. Since Vyvin is probably gonna do some messed up Game of Thrones-type shit to the Squire when he finds out his sword is missing, the dude is freaked. Can you blame me for intervening?

Gotta get the stuff to do the thing cause that’s how quests work. I sneak into Vyvin’s room at night using my agility training, and steal the picture of his sword from his cupboard. You read that right, he loves that sword so much that he keeps a painting of him modeling it where he sleeps.

I contract Thurgo to make the sword, though tbh I think he was willing to go down on me when I bribed him with pie. Thurgo lives on top of a quarry, prime real-estate for a dwarf, except he can’t mine it because there’s a couple ice giants five-times his size guarding the rocks. Now that's irony.

There’s a bunch of muggers having a convention down here in the mine. I press through to the pirate convention, then the hobgoblin convention, and finally the blurite rocks guarded by the ice family. The sword is made of surprisingly inexpensive items, which might mean Sir Vyvin has a really low attack level.

Thurgo perfectly clones the sword, plus the engraving “Sir Vyvin: I’m a bitch” in dwarven under the blurite slots (my suggestion - it’s the little victories that matter).

Final Score: Underwhelming Falador quest when compared to Black Knight Fortress. The mine in Thurgo’s peninsula should be more useful for after the quest is over. I did enjoy the decent smithing exp gained though. Perfectly average for f2p quests, which I am glad to be nearly done with. And no one ever wants to make redberry pie.
2.5/5 pictures of Vyvin posing with his sword

I need a way of subscribing to this LOL

I need a way of subscribing to this LOL

appears to only appear if you quote something though then its right under reply box

Solid post! While the server is down everyone should really read this good stuff !!

God damn this is great lmao